Cigarettes

 I've never smoked in my life, but I want a cigarette, maybe some vodka

I can hear a party off in the distance

I want to be there, and I don't want to be here

I wonder what parties are like

I've never been to one, really. Which is silly and sad, because I'm pretty sure everyone else has. Not that I would know if there is a certain age where you have to have partied. Are they like bars on tv? Do you need a licence or a miniskirt, maybe a photo ID?

My heartbeat matches the rhythm of the far off bass. 

As a kid, I used to lie in bed late at night on weekends and wonder who was playing the drums, maybe a neighbor? That was the only way I could understand the deep thumping rhythms

The sound used to annoy me

Now it gives me hope, whenever I want to run. But it also makes me feel lonely. I can't be there, I'm stuck here.

I want a cigarette, I want a drink. I know what it would feel like, despite my lack of expierence. I want stupid impulsive releif, I want to kiss boys and dance. I want to be somewhere else, feeling okay, feeling numb. But this is coming from the girl who asks her friends not to drink or do drugs or smoke. But this is coming from a girl who can't join in on the fun.

I want a cigarette, and I've never even smoked.

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Talk to me, leave comments, let me know what you think.